so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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