I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
