Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize