btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
