My friends, they love my intelligence
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize