you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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