No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
