dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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