I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
