He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
