ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
