you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
