Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.