GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
