She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity