I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!