I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..