My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
