Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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