Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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