Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
