I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
