He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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