the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
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