If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
