nut hugger
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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