Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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