perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
