WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
