Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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