apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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