i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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