I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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