If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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