I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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