In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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