Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
