I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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