I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
