Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
