I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
