i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
