If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
