After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ladies don't puke and tell
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
