my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
