im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Need sex. Gaining weight.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
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