Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
