I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
