i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
