I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
