id be glad to
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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