there was a trapeze. enough said
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
