the condom got lost in my hair
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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