My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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