Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
