And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
