Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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