yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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