How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
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winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
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Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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