She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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