You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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