and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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