i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
