If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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