So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
