I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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