I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
