I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
