he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
