I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
