guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
