I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
