her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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