Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
