While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
