The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So many bounce houses so little time
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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