i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
