We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
