the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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