Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
