Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
