i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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