hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
