I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
