I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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