Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
