I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
