there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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