Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
